Welcome to the first-ever Ravens Touchdown edition of “Spank the Monkey”, where you, the reader, try to out-pick a chimpanzee in the 2007 NFL playoffs.

How it works
I went to the St. Louis Zoo on December 31st with 8.5″ x 11″ logos of the 2007 NFL Playoff teams. I taped the match-up to the glass to let nature decide who should win in a completely unscientific and hap-hazardly way: by letting Cinder, a female (hairless) chimpanzee pick which logo she liked the best. Why Cinder? Well, because she’s hairless and easy to identify for future trips to the Zoo.

Here is the scoop on Cinder and her freaky-damn-deeky hairless self:

Many of our visitors want to know more about Cinder, our female chimpanzee who has no hair.

When she was born in 1994, Cinder had a full coat of hair. But when she was just five months old, most of her hair fell out — almost overnight! After many tests, our veterinarians diagnosed her with a condition called alopecia universalis. This is an autoimmune problem in which something triggers her body’s defense system to prevent hair growth.

Other than her lack of hair, Cinder is perfectly healthy. Our other chimps don’t seem to care about her baldness, and treat her no differently than they would if she had hair.

The following are my findings, along with a poll. Vote who you think will win this weekend’s Wild Card games and we’ll compare results on Monday.

AFC WILD CARD

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh

Cinder picked Jacksonville. Perhaps it was the Jaguars logo, perhaps it was the access to the intarwebs or maybe it was her bookie, I don’t know. She did gravitate to the other animal and that may tell us something: she clearly prefers trees to beams.

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Tennessee @ San Diego

Cinder was undecided for a while but eventually picked San Diego. I could tell she wasn’t really ready to make the pick so I left the area and came back after about 20 minutes so she could ponder her choice. Once I put the “T” and the Bolt on the glass, she ran over to the Chargers logo and smacked the glass — a ringing endorsement.

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NFC WILD CARD

New York (Giants) @ Tampa Bay

Again, this one took a while, but was eventually decided. I’m not sure if Cinder was mad at me for making her pick between the Giants and Bucs, but she very forcefully made her point: Tampa Bay would roll New York. After the pick, she pouted for a while and hid. I know — I’m scared of the Bucs, too.

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Washington @ Seattle

Cinder is more of a bird fan than a racist, even if her hairless body is more red than caucasian. Perhaps it was the soothing neon green that drew her in, but she made her pick clear — the Seahawks over the ‘Skins. Interesting to note, though, that the other chimpanzees in the area also liked the Seahawks, further proving that everyone outside of the DC area hates the ‘Skins.

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Check back on Monday to see how well you against the Chimp!