Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives. Only in this soap opera, Ronald Stach, aka “the Goof on the Roof”, is a deadbeat dad with delusions of grandeur. Wait — isn’t that a popular soap opera plot line?

Plot synopsis: On December 12, 2007, Ronald Stach had enough of the Ravens and their piss-poor play, and decided to protest by sleeping on the roof of his favorite bar, vowing not to come down until the Ravens won or Billick was fired. The media was called and ‘ole Ronnie Stach had his 15 minutes of fame.

Fed up with all the media attention that the Goof was getting, Goof’s ex-wife, Kelly Stach, decided to blow the whistle on all the child support money he owed her. Sha-zam!

With each interview that her former husband gave to television and newspapers about his obsession with the Baltimore Ravens, Kelly Stach’s frustration grew.

For more than two weeks, the Dundalk woman stood on the sidelines as Ronald Stach - dubbed the “Goof on the Roof” - became a celebrity for camping out atop a Southeast Baltimore bar until the hometown football team snapped its losing streak.

Kelly Stach was determined to expose her former husband, a part-time construction worker, whom she calls a deadbeat dad.

“I just think it’s horrible that everyone out there thought he was this great supporter of the Ravens, and he hasn’t supported his own kid in the last 18 years,” Kelly Stach said in an interview yesterday.

On Wednesday, Kelly Stach said, she called Baltimore police to let them know that her former husband was wanted on a warrant for failing to appear in court in connection with a child support case, in which court documents say he owes her $34,465. That figure is as of 2004, and Kelly Stach said the amount now is about $43,000.

So what have we learned?

1. Don’t f*ck with Kelly Stach.
2. Pay your child support. On time.
3. Being a media whore can come back to bite you in the ass.
4. The Ravens lost to the Dolphins on purpose*, presumably to keep this idiot on a roof.
5. The Goof’s struggles pale in comparison to those of the village of Anatevka. He also was sans-fiddler.

The Goof’s antics remind me of the 2007 Ravens season — a fumble, then an opponent recovery. Only in this instance, the correct team ended up with the ball. I could go on and on about deadbeat dads, but I won’t — the Goof painted a pretty nice picture.

* I was so tempted to write “porpoise.” Get it?